i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
