break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
