Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
