hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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