She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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