I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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