i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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