More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
