this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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