tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She has the best kind of daddy issues
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
