3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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