see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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