i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
