I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
