i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
