I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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