ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
