chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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