she is the kim kardashian of front butts
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
