i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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