i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
