I think my fart just growled at me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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