Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
