found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
