you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
