im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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