I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
false alarm. still invincible.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
