I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
