if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize