too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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