You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
