I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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