I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
