Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
