Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
