I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
