can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
