I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
smell my finger.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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