people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
