OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
