Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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