He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
