everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
pray to the hookup gods
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
