Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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