Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
