The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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