Cold hands, warm shart.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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