ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
