Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
