this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
