I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
