11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
FUCK WHALES
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