I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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