you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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