at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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