did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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