She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
