yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
