Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
