I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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