Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
