So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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