I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
