Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
