Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
