He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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