my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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