I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
